Days when he had absolutely nothing to do were few and far between. Still, when one such day came along, he loathed it with all his being. They kept him from every important thing he had to do. Take training for example, how could he train when there was a storm raging outside? And what of his revenge? He needed to move forward with his plans, his schedule was already delayed as it was. But more than anything, he hated those days because they allowed him time to think.
Today was a prime example of those loathsome days. He was lying on his bed, doing absolutely nothing, when he was supposed to be outside doing some training, working on his form and his new jutsu. A typhoon started raging outside, and he couldn’t quite order the rain to just stop. No, he was a slave to Mother Nature just like everyone else. He supposed he could still train despite the weather; it would give him some practice for fighting under similar circumstances. But really, the disadvantages far outweighed the advantages. He didn’t want to get a cold, not now. He would be going into battle in a few days. He needed to be in top condition. The enemy was strong, stronger than those he had previously faced. He might even die. But he couldn’t die… not yet. He didn’t want to die because he dreaded that which was to come after. He had nothing to say to the ghosts that waited for him in the afterlife. After all, what could he say to the parents whom he idealized so much, only to find out later that they were mutinous bastards? And what could he say to Itachi, really? Sorry?! Riiight. He was in no mood to say sorry, not ever, not after everything, not even after he knew he was in the wrong as well. No, he wouldn’t say sorry. But he had a feeling he would be forgiven anyway.
Funny, that his brother would turn out to be good and his parents and the whole village bad. Absurd. Who would’ve thought that, for all his life, he had been hating the only person who did not deserve it, when he should’ve been hating everyone else – every single person. They all deserved to be hated.
Really, he didn’t know what was right anymore. No… no, that wasn’t quite right. He did know. The Uchiha clan was wrong but the village was wrong as well. Everybody was in the wrong. They were villains, all of them. And so was he for wanting to hurt as he had been hurt. He was no longer just a victim; he was a villain like everyone else. And he didn’t care, nobody else did, anyway. Few people cared about right and wrong anymore. And those who did were being played like puppets on a string. And so, in their ignorance, everything they did was wrong. Those who weren’t evil were ignorant, and those who weren’t either were dead. Absurd.
Frustrated, he rubbed his face and tousled his hair. No use in moping, there was nothing he could do anyway. He could formulate some battle plans, study some scrolls or something… anything to ward off the boredom that threatened to consume. Although, it wasn’t really ‘boredom’, was it? What was it called? Ah yes, depression. How pathetic. He, Uchiha Sasuke, was depressed.
‘Maybe I should just give up and kill myself’, he thought, the voice in his head sounding terribly sarcastic, ‘it would certainly save me a lot of time and effort. After all, with everyone so wicked, they’ll surely end up in hell with me at one point or another. And I could spit on each of their faces as they enter. I could also spit on those who are already there.’ It didn’t even bother him that the first face that turned up as those thoughts ran through his head was his father’s. No, it didn’t bother him anymore. He was no longer avenging the Uchiha clan anyway. No, he was avenging himself.
As much as he thought about it though, he knew he couldn’t kill himself. There was still the matter of reviving the Uchiha clan. Because, pathetic as it was, he still wanted to revive it. He didn’t know why. He just did. Maybe it was because of that faint but persistent memory that kept tugging on his head during the most inopportune moments – the smell of eggs and rice and tomatoes, always those tomatoes, wafting through the cracks of his bedroom door, the enthusiastic whoop of joy he’d let out before he ran through the corridors to wake his brother up and the groggy, half-hearted forehead poke he’d get for doing so, his father’s stern nod as he bowed politely in greeting and his mother’s gentle smile as he said a hearty ‘Itadakimasu’ before devouring the tasty meal before him. They were happy, weren’t they? They were dysfunctional, but they were happy. And damn it all, undeserving as he was, he wanted it all again, with him in his father’s place and her in his mother’s place.
But the chances that he’d have all of it again were close to nil. Especially when he was setting out to destroy all that she held dear. But really, all she held dear was rotten, and therefore deserving of destruction. But all he held dear was rotten as well, and they were destroyed as they deserved to be. And it hurt, didn’t it? It hurt to lose everything, rotten though they may be.
He liked to think she’d forgive him, though. She was better than him on matters of forgiveness and kindness and love. She was better than him and she wouldn’t fall into hatred so blindly like he did. She was still a puppet, though, still a fool among millions of other fools. And for that, he hated her. But she had a heart and she had wanted to give him a home. She still wanted to. And for that, he loved her.
He closed his eyes then, letting himself be consumed by a new set of memories, fresher ones, unstained ones, ones that involved cheerful greetings of ‘Good Morning, Sasuke-kun!’, and warm, warm, warm arms wrapped around him, and tears, tears which were all for him.
He wondered, if he wanted happiness so much, then why didn’t he just skip the whole ‘avenging’ part and go home? It would certainly save him a lot of time and effort. It would be just like killing himself, just not as painful. And it may even be very enjoyable. Yes, very enjoyable. She’d also be more inclined to forgive him if he did so. But of course, if he did go home, he’d be proclaiming himself as a fool just like everyone else. Worse, he’d be doing so willingly and without the shroud of ignorance that everyone else donned. But what did it matter, eh? They were fools, but they were happy. Yes, why couldn’t he just skip the avenging part and go home? Why couldn’t he? Why shouldn’t he?
Outside, the sky gave one last shudder, the downpour of rain weakening before finally coming to a complete halt. Sunlight filtered through the cracks on the boarded up window of his bedroom and the cheery sound of birds chirping filled the air. Silently, Uchiha Sasuke got up from his bed and picked up his sword. There was no use in dallying. It was time for him to train, he still had much to do.