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When it rains in pastel
take my hand and never let go
Pertinence 
21st-Feb-2010 11:25 pm
Honey & Clover: Hagu: Happy
Fandom: Naruto
Characters: Uchiha Sasuke and Haruno Sakura
Genre: Angst/Romance



Pertinence


If anybody ever asks him what Sakura is to him, he knows with utmost certainty what his answer would be.

Nothing. 

He is not even going to expound on it, to explain, to say that she is just a slip of a girl who liked to follow him around. 

No, it will be nothing.

Just nothing.  Plain and simple.

He will say nothing -- but only if nothing is preventing him from telling a lie.

However, if honesty is mandatory, then he will certainly have a different answer.

Sakura is something – though, what that something is, that he cannot quite pinpoint. 

She belongs to that class of things that are dangerous to define.  

Dangerous, in a way that was similar to how calling Naruto his best friend had automatically put the said boy in the path of his vengeance, and subsequently in a near-death state in one of their confrontations.

So that is how it goes with the girl with pink hair, like bubblegum and cotton candy and all the happy things that did not belong in his world.

She will be left undefined.

And yet, he keeps her memory in his mind. It is filed away neatly in one of the dark corners, ready for use should the need ever crop up.

…like that time in Sound where he could not, for the life of him, find a reason to go on; when not even the thought of vengeance, his brother’s blood seeping through his hands (he had wanted that back then, oh the irony, the sheer irony) could sustain him.  He had lied to himself then, told himself he could go back, build a future.

And for a while, that was enough.

But lies are fragile, porous things; and truth always has a way of creeping in through the cracks.  

And the truth is: He does not know how to build anything, only to destroy.  Such was his fate. And he is resigned to it; he had to be resigned to it.

He does know how to preserve too, though – he is an expert at it. Past, pain, pink; all are preserved carefully, neatly, lovingly, in his mind – it was just that, he never quite got the hang of keeping things whole, and therein lay all his problems.

He can protect her, defend her, keep her alive – but never make her happy, never that.

It will not be enough, because there will always be someone who can do both.

Someone else. Someone not him.

That is why he never defines her, never gives himself the chance to, because he is afraid that if he does, something will mean everything.  

He is not prepared for that.

Not yet. Not now. Not ever.

Not when he knows how easy it is to lose everything.

End.

a/n. Gah, I hate lj's html formatting. seriously. But anyway, hm, here's a piece that I wrote quite a long time ago (months, lots of months) but was never able to finish. I found it on my sister's laptop and decided to tweak it a bit and, well, finish it -- finally. XD Special thanks to miko-chan for beta-ing it for me. Hope you guys like it. :)
 

Comments 
21st-Feb-2010 04:08 pm (UTC)
That was beautiful. The transition of concepts from nothing to everything was smooth and easy-flowing. I believe you got into Sasuke's mind quite well. (Despite, you know, the major freak-out he's become in the manga.)

EXCELLENT WORK. Keep it up.
21st-Feb-2010 04:39 pm (UTC)
Thank you very much. ^_^ I'm glad you think that it's still true to his character because, really, the recent chapters had me worried. x.x But ack... Sasuke... Major freak-out. ugh. so true. x.x He's a total nutcase right now, I seriously don't know what to think (except that he's being incredibly sexy. :D *has a thing for bad guys*).
22nd-Feb-2010 09:58 am (UTC)
I've gotten over my thing for bad guys reeking of smex ages ago, so the whole Sasuke thing has got me aasdfjkl!@@#!!! all over the place. ^^; I JUST WANT MY SASUSAKU, dammit.

...which is why your fic (and other excellent introspective SasuSaku pieces like this) is a breath of fresh air. It's like I'm searching for the heart I just HOPE he still has.

(That sounds Sakura-ish. XD But yeah.)
22nd-Feb-2010 12:00 pm (UTC)
Yeah, I just want my SasuSaku too. T_T Sometimes I want to fast-forward to the very end of the manga and just see if it becomes canon or something~XD

But I'm sure that there's still a heart somewhere in that ballistic mass of insanity that is Sasuke~ XD He wouldn't be raving about his family and Itachi if he didn't~ ♥
21st-Feb-2010 05:54 pm (UTC)
Wah! That was just so hopeful and heartbreaking all in one. O:

I liked it! :D

I would quote the whole thing because really, it's quite beautiful, but I especially love the 'something will mean everything' part and then the last line. ♥
21st-Feb-2010 10:53 pm (UTC)
Thank you~ I'm really glad you like it. XD And yay for hope~ XD we all need a bit of that right now. XD
21st-Feb-2010 07:07 pm (UTC)
Lovely drabble. Sasuke doesn't seem OOC at all ♥
21st-Feb-2010 10:54 pm (UTC)
Thanks~ XD I'm glad you think so. It's been pretty hard to pin down his character lately. XD
(Deleted comment)
21st-Feb-2010 10:54 pm (UTC)
Thank you very much~ XD lovely icon btw~ ♥
22nd-Feb-2010 02:49 am (UTC)
Beautiful - very well done! I think you really captured Sasuke's character. My favorite bit is "...something will mean everything" and the last line. Thanks for sharing!
22nd-Feb-2010 12:01 pm (UTC)
Thank you very much~ ^_^ I'm pretty much hoping that something like that will happen by the end of the manga~ XD Sakura could really mean a lot to him if he just let her in~ XD
22nd-Feb-2010 09:21 am (UTC)
This is a fab drabble! I know how hard it is to write in Sasuke's POV, but you managed to do it beautifully. Keep up the good work! ♥
22nd-Feb-2010 12:02 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much~ XD I'm really happy that you think so. ^_^
22nd-Feb-2010 02:03 pm (UTC)
*mems it*

uwah, stupid sasUKE.

and there's something missing in his angsty thoughts here shei. he should be thinking of how to restore his clan when sakura rips out hisballs.
22nd-Feb-2010 02:15 pm (UTC)
Mikomiko!! *huggles*

Sakura will angst about that too~ "This~ this hurts me more than it hurts you, Sasuke-kun..." *rriiiipppp*
22nd-Feb-2010 02:22 pm (UTC)
sheeeeeeeeei~

But what will Sakura do with the eggs? Dump it in the river of milk? Probably she was already impregnated when that happens?
22nd-Feb-2010 02:34 pm (UTC)
She'll eat them and gain the mangekyou uterus!!! >:)
22nd-Feb-2010 02:42 pm (UTC)
*chokes to death*

WUT.
WUT.
WUT.

SHEI...THE POOR UTERUS WILL BURST INTO ETERNAL BLACK FLAMES AND SASUKE WILL WANT TO COME NEAR TO THE ULTIMATE UCHIHA UTERUS AND---

HE'LL BE SUBJECTED TO THE TORTURE OF CASTRATION FOR 72 HOURS AGAINAND AGAIN AND AGAIN.
22nd-Feb-2010 02:45 pm (UTC)
That will be the ultimate form of pleasure for sasUKE.. >:)

At least all the Uchiha Babies from her Mangekyou Uterus will be born with the Elite MS~ which saves the Uchiha clan from further brother vs. brother angst! :D

25th-Feb-2010 12:33 am (UTC)
This was really quite amazing. I think you did a great job exploring Sasuke's feelings in a way that was quite believable. I was struck by exactly how much I could see this being true for him, so kudos to you for that.

Great job :)
28th-Feb-2010 01:45 pm (UTC)
Thank you very much. ^_^ I'm glad that you think this is true to his character.
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